Archive for the ‘Internationally Mobile Families’ Category

Rebecca at Scripps College

This last year alone, I did over 100 campus visits. That’s a lot of time and expense spent on travel! So why do I do it? Because there is no better way to get a feel for what an educational institution is all about. And for my families living outside the U.S. who can’t so easily travel, I become their “eyes and ears”.

When I talk to students about boarding school or college/university, they are usually interested and engaged. They know this is a huge step in their lives. However, I often feel like I am talking in abstracts because the student really cannot visualize or imagine just what it is that I am trying to describe. When I ask what they want out of college, the setting they may want, or the number of students that might be ideal for them, they usually have no clue what I mean unless they have done some visits. Far too often, their boarding school or college list is based solely on the well-known rankings, but there has been no thought as to whether or not that school may be the right fit for them. They gravitate towards name recognition and what is known. So I often spend a lot of time trying to give them a sense of the huge array of opportunities and differences that are out there.

My own campus visits are the number one way I learn about colleges. When I visit a campus, I am doing multiple assessments as I appear to be “just walking around”. So please allow me to explain ­­­­7 most important things I’m looking for during the campus visit.

Susan Sykes, my friend and colleague, and me at Miami University

1. Setting. Where is the school in relationship to the world? Especially for students coming from abroad, whether they are American Third Culture Kids(TCKS) returning “home” or international students, where they study is extremely important. Such things as access to a major airport, rural or urban settings, and surrounding neighborhoods tend to be significant factors in whether or not the student will adjust. Campus safety is also extremely important, so I want to know what kind of neighborhood it’s in and what the student will pass through to get to and from campus. I always ask myself how I would feel if MY child were going there.

2. Campus atmosphere. What does the campus “feel” like when you walk around? The best campus visits are made when students are present. What image do they project? Do they look happy and relaxed? Are they friendly? Stressed? Where are they hanging out? Are they interacting with each other? Where and how are they studying? Are there signs up for activities?

3. What Students Have to Say. Whenever I have a chance, I always talk to students. These may be chance encounters, a student panel, or the student tour guide. Through our conversations, I can get a lot of information about the student body and their values, activities, campus life and campus culture. I ask about how they feel about their instructors/professors, projects, availability of classes, class size, advising, where to go for help, college or career guidance, study abroad, internships, other students, presence of other TCKs or international students on campus, the food, activities, weekends, what kind of student would be happiest there, who wouldn’t be happy there, what the “party scene” is like, what they like best, what they would change, etc.

Upham Hall, Miami U

4. What Instructors/Professors and Staff Have to Say. How do they talk about their work? Their students? Why do they love (or don’t) love teaching/working there? How many adjunct/part-time faculty do they have? What is the teacher/professor turnover rate? What special programs do they offer? What are the strongest departments? What new initiatives are being undertaken on campus? What are they looking for in students (admissions)? How selective is the boarding school/college? What is their retention/graduation rate? Have they experienced any pain due to budget cuts? You can tell a lot about a school when you ask someone to talk about their work!

5. How Residential is the Campus? If it’s a boarding school, I want to know how many students live on campus as boarders relative to the number of day students. If there are boarders, are they 5-day boarders who go home on weekends? If it’s college, is it mostly residential or commuter students? Is it a “suitcase college”, i.e. students go home on weekends? If students live on campus, are they guaranteed housing all 4 years? If not, what is the local housing market for students like? These questions are a huge factor in building campus culture.

6. Physical Plant and Facilities. I call this my “mulch test”. Are the grounds well-kept? Is maintenance being done on schedule? How does the campus look and feel? What are the buildings like? Dorms? Food services? Recreational facilities? Athletic facilities?  Studios for the arts? Library? Where do students do most of their studying?

Students hanging out between classes at Miami U.

7. Understanding of TCK or International Student Issues. I saved this one for last. I want to know – would my student coming from abroad, a long way from home, with a wealth of different experiences to share, feel welcome and valued on this campus? How strong is the institution’s commitment to helping international students adjust? What countries are the international students coming from? How are they recruited? How does the institution view the TCK (or do they even know what that is)?

By the end of the campus visit, I usually have a good sense of the kind of student that would do well at that boarding school/college/university. Most of my families find it hard to travel to visit even a few boarding schools or colleges, let alone all 9 or 10 that may appear on the customized list I prepare for a student. So during the family meeting when I’m explaining why I am recommending certain schools, I can speak with confidence about why the school will probably be a good “fit and match” for that student’s individual needs.

This thought is always in the back of my mind – if this student chooses the school I recommended, and the parents take their precious child to the campus on the first day to drop them off, based in large part on my recommendation, are they going to be happy with their choice, or want to kill me for suggesting such a place for their child? I want both students AND parents to feel comfortable and happy, knowing that they have considered all their options and made the right educational choice!

Let’s face it. International moves – at least the tasks involved with moving – are really never much fun. Putting your life in boxes, then shipping it around the world, is a major and stressful event. And add children to the mix, and it truly is a major upheaval for everyone in the family.

This blog is a bit more personal than those I have previously written. First of all, I would like to explain my lack of blog posts for the last 5 months. I had yet another international move myself this summer, and the boxes in this photo are just some of the 240+ boxes I received on the eve of leaving for the IECA national conference in the United States.

You’d think that I would already know all there is to know about moving internationally based on the previous moves I have made. After all, I have lived in 10 countries now – but there is also something more to learn if we take a moment to be introspective. Here are some of the lessons I have reflected on lately.

1) The late David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken in their book The Third Culture Kid Experience: Growing Up Among Worlds, wrote about the phases of transition – Involvement, Leaving, Chaos/Crisis, Entering, and Reinvolvement. I had to remind myself numerous times during the last 4 months that I traveled and lived out of a suitcase that I was experiencing the “chaos” part of transition. That reminder helped me to smooth out the bumps and stress.

2) We were not the only family to not only experience this, but survive it. When I did my “end of summer” check-in with the families I worked with last year, I realized that about 80% of them had also moved internationally over the summer. I wrote each one of them to see how things were going, how the kids were doing in school, and how the new freshmen were adjusting to college. Every email I received back was the same story – life was chaotic, everyone was readjusting, and everyone was forging ahead, one step at a time. These kids define what a Third Culture Kid is by their own ability to adapt and bounce back. Talk about courage. I took comfort and strength in hearing that I was not alone in my “chaos” phase of transition.

3) One has to set priorities, and loosen up on some personal expectations during a move. For me, my priorities were my own family, my students and their families, and the rest was just icing on the cake. That meant that I worked hard to be sure that I was aware of and sensitive to the needs of my own immediate family and at the same time, I made sure that the needs of my students were served. I sincerely hope that not a single student or family felt that I was any less available to them than I would have been had I been stationary in one place.

4) But that means letting go of some things, too. And in my case, I decided that I could do a lot of things, but not everything at once. Therefore, I let the blog go. I let the Educating Global Nomads newsletter go. I stopped beating myself up for not being able to do it all. The priority, after all, was making sure that students were served.

5) No matter what happens, see it as an opportunity. I was on the move a lot this summer, but I used every opportunity I had to visit new colleges, universities, and therapeutic schools and programs. I also took advantage of the opportunity to present at an international conference (OACAC), served on a panel at NACAC, and wrote two articles for publication. I may have been living out of a suitcase, but I made the most of being free to travel.

6) Attitude is the only thing that you can really control. For me, that’s probably the number one factor in my own resiliency. I found that I couldn’t control for many factors – when and how my household goods were shipped, local customs clearance, bureaucratic hassles, etc. But I could control my reaction to the frustrations. Not that I was always a happy camper – I know I’m far from perfect – but overall, I tried to keep my patience and sense of humor.

So now that I’m here, unpacked, and resettled, I’m ready to go full steam ahead again. I’m in the “entering” phase, saying goodbye to “chaos”. Back to blogging. Back to newsletters. Back to the numerous projects and ideas I have put on hold. And oh yeah…back to the gym!

by Rebecca Grappo, M.Ed, C.E.P., founder of RNG International Educational Consultants, LLC

Ask a *Third Culture Kid (TCK) where he/she is from, and watch most of them stumble over the answer. The TCK wonders, do you mean where I was born? The country of my passport? Where I live now? Where I used to live? Where my parents live? The place where I feel I most belong? And so the confusion begins!

On my recent trip to Utah, I met hundreds of new people. And 99% of each new conversation started with two questions: “What’s your name? Where are you from?” To tell you the truth, even I got tired of answering it. I started wondering to myself again – do you want the long answer or the short answer? Do I like you enough to tell you my whole life story? Or do you like me well enough to want to listen to it?

This question is the reason why so many TCKs have some identify confusion. It’s just complicated, and my personal opinion is that the answer needs to be rehearsed so that various versions are ready for different occasions.

But when TCKs get around other TCKs, the mood changes. All of the sudden it’s fun to compare notes! I was reminded of this yesterday when I was on the set of Dubai One television to tape an interview about TCKs for the show, “Twenty Something”. I met someone in the lobby of the studio who had a Swiss and Indonesian parent. We instantly had a connection. The presenter was born and raised in Dubai, but her parents were from Karala, India. Another staff member has Lebanese and Jordanian parents, but was raised in London. The staff person attending me is from the Philippines and her son is being raised in Dubai. The next guest interviewed, a celebrity hairdresser from Los Angeles, spoke of his multi-cultural background before his parents immigrated to the United States during his interview for the show. Everyone I spoke to had a mixed heritage from a multitude of cultures. Since the topic of the show was to talk about Third Culture Kids, everyone was in the mood to share bits of their own life stories. In that setting and situation, it was fun! And why? because we were with our own “tribe” of other people who understand what it means to have a very international life. Even though I’m an adult now, the same rules that apply for TCKs also apply to me….We don’t belong anywhere 100% – and yet we seem to fit in everywhere. Rootlessness and restlessness. Home is everywhere and nowhere. These are a few ways many TCKs define themselves.

Would you agree? What has been your experience, or that of your children’s, when it comes to roots, identity, and sense of belonging?

Feel free to comment – and if you get satellite TV, watch the interview about TCKs on Dubai One next Monday, April 19 at 8 pm, Tuesday at 3 pm, and Friday at 7 pm!

Click here for more resources about TCKs, or here to read more of my articles on the topic.

*A Third Culture Kid is someone who has spent a significant amount of their developmental years outside their parents own culture. The TCK builds relationships to all cultures while not having full ownership in any. Although elements of each culture is assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, a sense of belonging is in relationship to others of a similar background. – definition from David C. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken’s book, Third Culture Kids, The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds.