Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

The band started playing “Pomp and Circumstance” as the graduating class of 2010 processed into the gym. Coming to see the graduation of some of the students I had worked with on college applications was the culmination of a busy week in which I had blogged, posted, emailed, and spoken to parents about the transition to college, especially for Third Culture Kids. I had listened to, advised, and consoled parents about how to get through graduation without tears and embrace the changes their children were about to experience. So then, as the students entered the gym, why did I get a lump in my throat and feel tears stinging my own eyes? I did not expect to get emotional – after all, I wasn’t the parent this time and I was the one who had been doing the consoling!

As I sat there through the graduation ceremony, I thought about that long and hard. What was wrong with me? Why was I getting emotional about this? And the answer came to me – because as the one who helped to guide and advise these students, as well as my other students in other parts of the world, these kids and their families had become very dear to me as we experienced the journey together.

The role of the educational consultant, or independent counselor, is not just that of someone who helps kids decide on schools and gets the applications done. No, it’s much, much more than that. It’s about relationships.

With each one of my students, we had spent hours and hours talking about their personalities, interests, hopes, and dreams. Together with their parents, we took our time fine tuning “the list” until we had a list of schools that would be appropriate for them and their uniqueness. We had brainstormed ideas about essays, and in doing so, had had wonderful and candid conversations about who they were, who their friends were, what stirred their souls, and how they were going to tell their story. I knew when each one of them had hit the “send” button on their applications, and heard from them one by one as the acceptances and denials came. And I helped them think through their values and how they would make their final decisions. For each of these kids, I have loads of emails and online chats saved, most of which start with “Hey Becky!”

But even that was not all that we experienced together. Each student and family has a special story to tell….and throughout the year, the story keeps unfolding. We talked about their schedules, how to approach the SATs, how to deal a difficult class, stress, a less-than-hoped-for grade or grades, wait lists, denials, and setbacks. My students faced crises throughout the year as well – serious illness, deaths in the family, the loss of fellow students, and uncertainty regarding their own family circumstances. Parents confided their own hopes, dreams, fears, and worries with me, too, and I answered countless questions that they had. We were in this together.

So it’s no wonder that seeing students graduate was also an emotional moment for me. It wasn’t just seeing the students I had worked with make it to the finish line with their college acceptances in hand. I was also thinking of the students whose graduations I would not get to see in person, and knowing the stories of the families who stood behind their kids. Most of all, I was struck with how much love and support these kids had been fortunate to receive. And how lucky I was personally that I got to play a role in shaping their futures. These new graduates are my kids, too, and therefore, my own tears are those of pride and joy.

by Rebecca Grappo, founder, RNG International Educational Consultants, LLC

The countdown to graduation has started! Students now know where they will be attending college, and they are busy saying goodbye to friends and hopefully, looking forward to new beginnings. Many of them have heard over and over that going to college is going to represent the “best four years” of their lives. So the expectations are high that this is indeed true! It’s a bittersweet, emotional time for everyone – parents included.

Now let’s add to the mix the experience of being a Third Culture Kid. Kids who have grown up overseas may be returning to the country of their passport to go to university. Or perhaps they are going to yet another new country, this time on their own as an international student. Yet another scenario is the TCK who will remain behind in the country of their passport to study while their parents go overseas again. No matter what the situation, major life transitions are in store for them.

I have done many presentations to students and parents at various international schools on the topic of transition to college, and have written several articles about the topic as well. It is very important to raise awareness about the complexities of transitioning to college for any student, but especially the TCK. They not only have to adjust to life as a college/university student, but also as one who may not always feel perfectly at home or comfortable on campus because of their TCK characteristics. Sadly, too few of them even know what that means. Therefore, I’d like to highlight some resources here that may help you and your family navigate the challenges of adjusting to university life for the Third Culture Kid/Global Nomad.

The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition by Tina Quick is a new book completely devoted to this topic. I blogged about attending her presentation at the Families in Global Transition conference back in March. I have had a preview of the book, which will be released by mid-June.  (I’ll be sure to alert you when has been!) It is chock-full of invaluable information, and as I wrote in my review for the book itself, it should be put in the hands of every TCK going off to university.

Maureen Tillman, a psychotherapist in New Jersey, has a practice devoted to helping students transition to college as well as helping students who do not succeed get back on their feet again. She just did a radio interview about the transitions to college which you can listen to on iTunes. (The first few minutes are chatter, but the interview will follow, I promise!)  She also blogs for the New York Times, and has a practice called “College with Confidence”.
Then for TCKs returning to the U.S. (though I’m sure any TCK would be welcome!), there are summer transition sessions for high school and college age TCKs run by Interaction International.

For information about sending your child to college from overseas, check out my article  that was published in the AFSA Foreign Service Journal (June 2008) called Flying Solo – Going to College from Overseas: A Guide for Parents.

For practical tips on adjusting to college from other TCKs, read TCKs and College/University: From Overseas to Undergrad that was featured on the expatwomen.com website. I especially enjoyed writing that article, as many of the TCKs interviewed were former students of mine from my years of teaching overseas.

I also have information about  transition to college from a parent perspective gathered on my website. From the College Resources page, scroll down to “Parent Resources”.

Lastly, though there are hundreds of issues that kids and parents need to be aware of, I have found that many students do not have much experience handling their personal finances when they go to college, nor do they really understand basic credit instruments. Here is a resource for students that will give them the basics about credit education.

Hopefully, your children will transition smoothly! If not, know that there are many resources as well as caring, knowledgeable, and experienced professionals out there who can help.

And if you start to get too weepy about your child leaving home, just remember. This is exactly where you wanted them to be at this stage of their lives. They’re going off to college most likely because you’ve also been successful as a parent. So rejoice that you have the opportunity to see them launched!

For more information about college planning services, or presentations on TCKs or college-related topics, please contact me.

One job requirement I love about being an educational consultant is that I have to get out and visit schools. Although I have seen over 175 different boarding schools, I grab every opportunity I have to learn about new schools so that I can better serve my students and families. After just visiting another five American boarding schools, I am more enthusiastic than ever about the huge range of students served and the opportunities these schools offer. What is so remarkable to me is that each boarding school has its own unique character, culture, student profile, and niche of students they serve. And each school is mature and self-confident enough to know exactly who they are and who they serve best, so they don’t even attempt to be all things to all people. I like this approach, because I feel that ultimately, it’s the student that is best served.

All of these schools welcome international students as well, and do their best to make them feel at home.

Some schools offer fantastic learning support, while others emphasize a classical approach to education while acknowledging that it’s not for everyone. Some schools have a very experiential approach to learning, and all schools seek to take advantage of their geographic locations to maximize learning opportunities for students. I spoke with administrators, counselors, and teachers about the teaching and learning experience at these schools, but it was the conversations I had with students that thrilled me the most.

My favorite question to ask students is, “What will you take away from the experiences you have had at this school?” Here are their answers – let them tell you why boarding school is an option they have loved!

• College is no longer daunting for me because I know I’m ready
• I’m more willing to try new things
• I was exposed to many more experiences as well as culture
• I’m more open-minded
• I love the sense of community
• I got to be in leadership roles
• The academics
• I like going away from home and being with my friends in the dorm, and will be a proctor next year
• I learned organizational skills
• I became more independent
• I learned how to manage my time and my things
• I realized there is always help around from teachers and other students
• I learned study skills
• I loved the relationships with my teachers – the biggest class I’m in has 12 students
• I like being able to build relationships with my teachers and the ability to quickly get help and quick extra study sessions at night
• Here the teachers really care about their students
• The teachers are our friends, too
• I learned how to manage my time and be self-disciplined, and that will help me in college
• I learned how to find resources on my own, and not just go to my parents and my brothers
• I have had to relate to other people and groups that are different from myself
• The work is hard but I’m more interested
• I like being able to introduce my new friends to my old friends back home
• With only 8 kids in my class, I’m more invested in my own learning
• This school taught me how to think
• I feel good about myself
• I can participate in a lot more activities
• I like the family feel here
• I became a self-starter
• I now think about something greater than myself
• I learned how to be a more “faithful, hopeful, loving person”

For photos, please visit our Facebook fan page at RNG International Educational Consultants, LLC and look under “photos” or at previous posts.