Archive for the ‘Transitions and Resiliency’ Category

I did a brief presentation at the Families in Global Transition conference in Washington, DC, for internationally mobile families about taking special needs children overseas. These are my “top 5″ tips based on years of experience working with international families as an Independent Educational Consultant (IEC).

1. Do not expect that international schools will always offer services for children with learning disabilities. Furthermore, even though the school may be known as “the American school”,  American schools overseas do not have a federal mandate of IDEA to provide special education services like they would in the United States.

2. Many children with learning disabilities also need other wrap-around services, i.e. physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech and language therapy, that may or may not be available overseas. This must be investigated.

3. Those who offer services are often expats themselves – if you identify their services, they may not be there when you arrive, or may not stay in the foreign location for the entire time of your stay, or have openings for new students. Check before going.

4. Some families realize their children are struggling after they arrive. Sometimes this is due to transition and resiliency issues, so you want to give things time to settle down. However, it is also important to get these students a quality psycho-educational evaluation as early as possible. The younger a child is when his/her needs are identified, the more effective the intervention can be. Do not wait too long before getting help.

5. The most successful students are those whose parents are extremely well-informed and pro-active – researching options, finding resources, getting their kids help, and if no adequate resources are there at that location, then a boarding school that specializes in learning differences, or offers support to students with learning differences, may be a viable option.

Here are more articles on this topic, or go to http://www.rebeccagrappo.com/articles_blog.html.

Taking a Special Needs Child Overseas? What to Know Before You Go

Special Needs and Schooling Abroad

Feel free to contact  RNG International Educational Consultants if you have concerns about a young person in your life.

As I watch the events in Egypt unfold, my thoughts are with the thousands of expat children and families who are living in Egypt as well as their Egyptian friends and playmates. Maybe others are thinking about the political implications of this open rebellion, but I’m thinking about the many families who may be ordered to leave quickly to other safe havens.

Witnessing international protests is often difficult for a child to understand

The scenario will unfold differently, depending on the family’s employer or sponsor. Some students who are dependents of diplomatic personnel may be advised or ordered to leave as soon as possible. Others families may be given the option and will have to make the difficult decision about if or when they leave, and if they should go together or separately. Single parents have their own unique concerns, too. And still others will stay put no matter what. But one thing is certain. Life has changed, no matter which scenario fits the bill.

Earlier in my career, I worked with many families who were evacuated from dangerous situations overseas, and I wrote papers and spoke to groups at conferences about contingency planning for families. My own family also experienced an evacuation under unique circumstances I won’t go into in this blog. Here are the 12 most important things I learned from those various experiences.

1. This is a stressful time for the family. If dependents leave, then chances are the employee is going to be left behind to do a job. That means that families will be separated under duress. Children and teens are going to be worried about parents, pets, caretakers, school friends, teachers, and anyone else who was a part of their world.

2. Evacuations are emotional roller coaster rides. No one knows for sure how long the situation will last – will they be away from “home” for a few weeks? months? what if they never get to go back? So that uncertainty is very taxing on the family’s emotions. A family should talk about how it will stay in touch throughout the separation, and reassure children as best as possible that loved ones  left behind will be protected and safe.

3. Some children and adolescents may not ever get to go back, or “home” again. Maybe the assignment was going to end at the end of the school year anyway, and the evacuation won’t be over before then. Maybe the job that took the family overseas will be eliminated as a result of the turmoil. This means that there could be a horrible sense of loss without proper closure. There won’t be any goodbye parties, or chances to do things “one last time”. This is a loss, and a form of grief may come out of it. It is important that this loss and grief be acknowledged.

4. For students who are about to graduate from high school, this is especially upsetting. Not knowing how long they will be separated from friends is terrible. Not being able to do all those things together as a senior class is terrible. Not  graduating with their class is terrible. Not being able to finish out their classes, and take the final IB or AP tests is terrible. I’ve seen this happen before, and even seen kids be angry with their parents about it, when it’s not even close to being the parents’ fault. Hey, that anger has to go somewhere….

5. There are going to be kids left behind, too. So yes, some kids may leave suddenly. But other kids won’t, and they’re going to feel bereft over the loss of friends, too. All of a sudden, it may feel like they are left behind in a ghost town. It may seem a bit surreal. Parents, caretakers, teachers, counselors, etc, all need to be sensitive to their needs, too. They are going to be in need of extra consolation, empathy, and understanding.

6. In times of stress, people sometimes forget to take good care of themselves. Caretakers need to take care of themselves so that they can take care of others. Teens as well as children respond to routines, structure, and reassurance that together as a family, everyone will get through this. Remember, too, that eating well, sleeping regularly, and exercising are all common sense stress management techniques.

7. Younger children may find the news especially disturbing. It’s easy for adults to stay riveted to the television or other media sources to watch the breaking news. But adults should monitor the amount of media children are exposed to, listen to their concerns or ask them for a reaction if they aren’t sharing any. Parents also need to reassure children and teens that they are there to keep them safe. Do not be surprised if children and/or teens experience some regression, anger, withdrawal, aggression, crying, sadness, or other changes in behavior. Just as adults are affected by stress, I have also seen some children and teens become physically sick from it.

8. Parents, remember that you still set the tone for the family. It’s important to be honest about events with children and teens, but always in ways that are age-appropriate. If you can remain calm and reassuring, your children will pick up on your cues. If you are a nervous wreck, then your children can become the canary in the mine, reflecting the stress that they feel from you. Therefore, make the way you deal with your own stress a priority.

9. If you have to leave, have a plan for where to go. No one knows how long an evacuation may last. It’s best to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. That means finding a safe haven that will be a temporary home. Factors to consider are where the family might receive emotional support. Depending on the situation, it might be prudent to enroll the kids in school. If they need to be re-enrolled in school, then the system and classes need to be compatible with the curriculum the students were following before the evacuation. Kids who have learning difficulties may need extra tutoring to substitute for services they were receiving. High school kids may have online learning options from their school overseas, but they may not. They need to say current, though, so that they don’t fall behind. For kids with college plans, it’s important that they stay on track as much as possible.

10. Remember to take important documents with you. That includes school records, birth certificates, immunization records, marriage certificates, church records of baptisms, etc, for some denominations, legal records, and financial information. Make sure that banking details for how you will handle money have been worked out, and hopefully, a power(s) of attorney has/have already been prepared to allow one spouse to act in all legal and financial matters without the other.

11.  Not all Powers of Attorney forms work in all situations. It’s best to check. I’ve personally had problems with banking and insurance institutions when the companies wanted THEIR PoA executed and would not accept the PoA I presented. Getting new ones is not easy to do in the middle of a crisis, and I found some of these institutions showed no flexibility.

12. Find some sense of control in a situation that is beyond your control. One of the biggest contributors to stress is feeling the loss of control over your life. Allow kids to provide some age-appropriate input for some decisions. Maybe that means what’s for dinner, or what personal belongings to take, or how they will decorate their room. Older kids may want to start planning a summer reunion with best friends so that they know they will meet again. Structure and routines also help to give the family a sense of order and control in the middle of chaos.

Lastly, and I’m not going to number this 13 for obvious reasons, I advise that the family remembers to pack their sense of humor and sense of fun. Forced evacuations or separations are difficult situations. No one understands it unless they have been through it. But make fun a priority, and find the humor in even hopeless situations. Trust me, it will ease the pain.

This crisis in Egypt has affected me personally as well. I had planned to go to Cairo in two weeks to talk about Third Culture and Cross Cultural Kids in the international school context at the Cairo American College. Under the circumstances, we have had to cancel the event, and I am personally disappointed. But my thoughts are with all the people I did not get to meet. I’m thinking of how these events will affect their personal lives. No matter what side of the prism you are on, any sudden upheaval in a community’s daily life is a big, hairy deal.

I invite anyone who has experienced an evacuation, or is currently caught up in this crisis, to please post a comment. Those who have experienced an evacuation have wisdom to share that can help others. And to those who need wisdom, please pose your questions.

My thoughts are with you all.

Let’s face it. International moves – at least the tasks involved with moving – are really never much fun. Putting your life in boxes, then shipping it around the world, is a major and stressful event. And add children to the mix, and it truly is a major upheaval for everyone in the family.

This blog is a bit more personal than those I have previously written. First of all, I would like to explain my lack of blog posts for the last 5 months. I had yet another international move myself this summer, and the boxes in this photo are just some of the 240+ boxes I received on the eve of leaving for the IECA national conference in the United States.

You’d think that I would already know all there is to know about moving internationally based on the previous moves I have made. After all, I have lived in 10 countries now – but there is also something more to learn if we take a moment to be introspective. Here are some of the lessons I have reflected on lately.

1) The late David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken in their book The Third Culture Kid Experience: Growing Up Among Worlds, wrote about the phases of transition – Involvement, Leaving, Chaos/Crisis, Entering, and Reinvolvement. I had to remind myself numerous times during the last 4 months that I traveled and lived out of a suitcase that I was experiencing the “chaos” part of transition. That reminder helped me to smooth out the bumps and stress.

2) We were not the only family to not only experience this, but survive it. When I did my “end of summer” check-in with the families I worked with last year, I realized that about 80% of them had also moved internationally over the summer. I wrote each one of them to see how things were going, how the kids were doing in school, and how the new freshmen were adjusting to college. Every email I received back was the same story – life was chaotic, everyone was readjusting, and everyone was forging ahead, one step at a time. These kids define what a Third Culture Kid is by their own ability to adapt and bounce back. Talk about courage. I took comfort and strength in hearing that I was not alone in my “chaos” phase of transition.

3) One has to set priorities, and loosen up on some personal expectations during a move. For me, my priorities were my own family, my students and their families, and the rest was just icing on the cake. That meant that I worked hard to be sure that I was aware of and sensitive to the needs of my own immediate family and at the same time, I made sure that the needs of my students were served. I sincerely hope that not a single student or family felt that I was any less available to them than I would have been had I been stationary in one place.

4) But that means letting go of some things, too. And in my case, I decided that I could do a lot of things, but not everything at once. Therefore, I let the blog go. I let the Educating Global Nomads newsletter go. I stopped beating myself up for not being able to do it all. The priority, after all, was making sure that students were served.

5) No matter what happens, see it as an opportunity. I was on the move a lot this summer, but I used every opportunity I had to visit new colleges, universities, and therapeutic schools and programs. I also took advantage of the opportunity to present at an international conference (OACAC), served on a panel at NACAC, and wrote two articles for publication. I may have been living out of a suitcase, but I made the most of being free to travel.

6) Attitude is the only thing that you can really control. For me, that’s probably the number one factor in my own resiliency. I found that I couldn’t control for many factors – when and how my household goods were shipped, local customs clearance, bureaucratic hassles, etc. But I could control my reaction to the frustrations. Not that I was always a happy camper – I know I’m far from perfect – but overall, I tried to keep my patience and sense of humor.

So now that I’m here, unpacked, and resettled, I’m ready to go full steam ahead again. I’m in the “entering” phase, saying goodbye to “chaos”. Back to blogging. Back to newsletters. Back to the numerous projects and ideas I have put on hold. And oh yeah…back to the gym!

by Rebecca Grappo, M.Ed, C.E.P., founder of RNG International Educational Consultants, LLC