Posts Tagged ‘Global Nomads’

Ask a *Third Culture Kid (TCK) where he/she is from, and watch most of them stumble over the answer. The TCK wonders, do you mean where I was born? The country of my passport? Where I live now? Where I used to live? Where my parents live? The place where I feel I most belong? And so the confusion begins!

On my recent trip to Utah, I met hundreds of new people. And 99% of each new conversation started with two questions: “What’s your name? Where are you from?” To tell you the truth, even I got tired of answering it. I started wondering to myself again – do you want the long answer or the short answer? Do I like you enough to tell you my whole life story? Or do you like me well enough to want to listen to it?

This question is the reason why so many TCKs have some identify confusion. It’s just complicated, and my personal opinion is that the answer needs to be rehearsed so that various versions are ready for different occasions.

But when TCKs get around other TCKs, the mood changes. All of the sudden it’s fun to compare notes! I was reminded of this yesterday when I was on the set of Dubai One television to tape an interview about TCKs for the show, “Twenty Something”. I met someone in the lobby of the studio who had a Swiss and Indonesian parent. We instantly had a connection. The presenter was born and raised in Dubai, but her parents were from Karala, India. Another staff member has Lebanese and Jordanian parents, but was raised in London. The staff person attending me is from the Philippines and her son is being raised in Dubai. The next guest interviewed, a celebrity hairdresser from Los Angeles, spoke of his multi-cultural background before his parents immigrated to the United States during his interview for the show. Everyone I spoke to had a mixed heritage from a multitude of cultures. Since the topic of the show was to talk about Third Culture Kids, everyone was in the mood to share bits of their own life stories. In that setting and situation, it was fun! And why? because we were with our own “tribe” of other people who understand what it means to have a very international life. Even though I’m an adult now, the same rules that apply for TCKs also apply to me….We don’t belong anywhere 100% – and yet we seem to fit in everywhere. Rootlessness and restlessness. Home is everywhere and nowhere. These are a few ways many TCKs define themselves.

Would you agree? What has been your experience, or that of your children’s, when it comes to roots, identity, and sense of belonging?

Feel free to comment – and if you get satellite TV, watch the interview about TCKs on Dubai One next Monday, April 19 at 8 pm, Tuesday at 3 pm, and Friday at 7 pm!

Click here for more resources about TCKs, or here to read more of my articles on the topic.

*A Third Culture Kid is someone who has spent a significant amount of their developmental years outside their parents own culture. The TCK builds relationships to all cultures while not having full ownership in any. Although elements of each culture is assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, a sense of belonging is in relationship to others of a similar background. – definition from David C. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken’s book, Third Culture Kids, The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds.

Perhaps one of the highlights of the conference for me was the presentation by Ruth Van Reken, who co-authored the book, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, with the late David Pollock. This is the defining book for all who are interested in the lives of Third Culture Kids. (The newest revised edition just came out.) Ruth is a legend in the field of TCK and cross-cultural research, and spreads the message about these kids around the world with the zeal of a missionary. Therefore, I was thrilled to be there for her session.

In it, she explored the theme that all of us who have our own children who are TCKs, or who work with, TCKs, know all too well. And that is, the experiences that our children have had growing up internationally are rarely understood, validated, appreciated, or even acknowledged when they repatriate to the country of their passport. Even in schools, where one would hope that educators would exhibit more curiosity, the experiences of the Global Nomad are usually ignored. Thus, our kids, who have so much richness to offer others, often feel shut down, strange, different, weird, and alienated from others when it comes to this element of their lives.

What can be done about this? Ruth has worked with teachers and school systems over the years, and she says the first point is that local educators need to be convinced that awareness of TCKs is important. The audience participants broke into groups to discuss how this awareness might be raised, and several good strategies were suggested. The conclusion of the group was that each of us has a responsibility to carry the message forward in our own circles, our children’s classrooms, and in our schools. Our dream would be to see multi-cultural and cross-cultural education be a greater part of teacher education, too. This means not just raising awareness about racial multiculturalism and diversity, but awareness about diversity of thought. TCKs may look like everyone else, but have so much more to offer about their perspectives of the world. I personally felt validated in my own work for TCKs, and the articles and presentations I have done. I would gladly do more – just ask! (To see a listing of workshops I have led, see http://www.rebeccagrappo.com/presentations.html)

The other point that Ruth made is that diversity of thought and experience goes far beyond just TCKs – she talks about how few of us fit into any particular “box” anymore. She used the term “Cross-Cultural Kids (CCKs)” to show how truly multicultural people are in today’s world. This would include TCKs, and domestic TCKs. Ruth used President Barack Obama as an example of someone who would be able to draw from many of these categories – he is a TCK, bicultural, biracial, a child of an immigrant, an educational CCK (he attended a local school in Indonesia by day and returned to his home culture by night), and is the child of a minority. Did I leave anything out? If you are interested in reading more about his example, Ruth wrote an article “Obama’s Third Culture Team” that I have put on my website, along with other resources about TCKs, at http://www.rebeccagrappo.com/resources.html#tck.

The most important point for us to take away from this is that kids who have had cross-cultural experiences have the ability to empathize, communicate, and connect with other people. They can use their multicultural experiences to bring perspective and curiosity to the world around them. What a waste it would be for us to ignore these powerful gifts.

Day one of the Families in Global Transitions conference was as great as I expected it to be! Some of the “rock stars” in the world of working with expat families are here, and it’s wonderful to hear their insights and wisdom.

Yesterday morning I attended a fantastic 3 hour presentation called, “TCKS Repatriating for University: Confronting the Challenges and Building Communities” by Tina Quick, Darci Nealeigh, and Candy Hart. I will try to briefly summarize it here.

Tina Quick, who just wrote a book on this topic, led the discussion and gave us 4 “Pearls of Wisdom” for TCKS going “home” to the country of their passport for college. It can be a much more difficult transition than anyone expects.

Pearl #!:
TCK Identity Development – TCKS need to be aware of the terms of being a TCK, the general characteristics, and hear the message before they return, even if they don’t take it in right away. Knowing they are a TCK helps them to know why they are different so that a student does not suffer from “Terminal Uniqueness Syndrome”, i.e. why am I so weird and why can’t I fit in?

Pearl #2:
Moving around and this high mobility lifestyle brings about a lot of loss and therefore, unresolved grief. There is a good way to grieve and a bad way to grieve. Her presentation included video clips of interviews with some of the college students she works with, and if you don’t believe this is an issue, then listen to the kids.

Pearl #3:
Understand the 5 stages of transition. They are:
1. Involvement
2. Leaving
3. Transition
4. Entering
5. Reinvolvement

The upshot of this is that if kids know it is going to be hard, that there will be good days and bad days, but that they can come out on the other side, they will be better able to deal with the roller coaster ride.

Pearl #4:
Most TCKS DO have difficulty fitting back in with their peers at first. First there is the dreaded question, “Where are you from?” Secondly, the TCK experiences have been so different that it is difficult for many kids to relate to them. This is not a uniquely American experience – remember, TCKs can be from any nationality, and the experience is universal. When TCKs feel like they can’t fit in with their peers, it’s important for them to find common ground and to meet their peers halfway. Everyone has a story to tell.

The second part of the presentation was led by two college students, Darci and Candy, and they talked about how they organized a TCK organization on their college campus. I was blown away by the poise, maturity, dedication, fabulous ideas, and dedication that these young woman possessed. If only more TCKs could meet for fun, mutual support, and sharing on college campuses – but in the end, it’s probably going to be up to the students themselves to organize and make their needs known.

More to come about this fabulous conference! Next – a summary of the outstanding session I heard led by Ruth Van Reken, who co-authored the seminal book on TCKs with David Pollock, The Third Culture Kid Experience. The new edition of her book is out. “Wow” is all I can say for now!

Stay tuned!