Posts Tagged ‘TCKs’

Let’s face it. International moves – at least the tasks involved with moving – are really never much fun. Putting your life in boxes, then shipping it around the world, is a major and stressful event. And add children to the mix, and it truly is a major upheaval for everyone in the family.

This blog is a bit more personal than those I have previously written. First of all, I would like to explain my lack of blog posts for the last 5 months. I had yet another international move myself this summer, and the boxes in this photo are just some of the 240+ boxes I received on the eve of leaving for the IECA national conference in the United States.

You’d think that I would already know all there is to know about moving internationally based on the previous moves I have made. After all, I have lived in 10 countries now – but there is also something more to learn if we take a moment to be introspective. Here are some of the lessons I have reflected on lately.

1) The late David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken in their book The Third Culture Kid Experience: Growing Up Among Worlds, wrote about the phases of transition – Involvement, Leaving, Chaos/Crisis, Entering, and Reinvolvement. I had to remind myself numerous times during the last 4 months that I traveled and lived out of a suitcase that I was experiencing the “chaos” part of transition. That reminder helped me to smooth out the bumps and stress.

2) We were not the only family to not only experience this, but survive it. When I did my “end of summer” check-in with the families I worked with last year, I realized that about 80% of them had also moved internationally over the summer. I wrote each one of them to see how things were going, how the kids were doing in school, and how the new freshmen were adjusting to college. Every email I received back was the same story – life was chaotic, everyone was readjusting, and everyone was forging ahead, one step at a time. These kids define what a Third Culture Kid is by their own ability to adapt and bounce back. Talk about courage. I took comfort and strength in hearing that I was not alone in my “chaos” phase of transition.

3) One has to set priorities, and loosen up on some personal expectations during a move. For me, my priorities were my own family, my students and their families, and the rest was just icing on the cake. That meant that I worked hard to be sure that I was aware of and sensitive to the needs of my own immediate family and at the same time, I made sure that the needs of my students were served. I sincerely hope that not a single student or family felt that I was any less available to them than I would have been had I been stationary in one place.

4) But that means letting go of some things, too. And in my case, I decided that I could do a lot of things, but not everything at once. Therefore, I let the blog go. I let the Educating Global Nomads newsletter go. I stopped beating myself up for not being able to do it all. The priority, after all, was making sure that students were served.

5) No matter what happens, see it as an opportunity. I was on the move a lot this summer, but I used every opportunity I had to visit new colleges, universities, and therapeutic schools and programs. I also took advantage of the opportunity to present at an international conference (OACAC), served on a panel at NACAC, and wrote two articles for publication. I may have been living out of a suitcase, but I made the most of being free to travel.

6) Attitude is the only thing that you can really control. For me, that’s probably the number one factor in my own resiliency. I found that I couldn’t control for many factors – when and how my household goods were shipped, local customs clearance, bureaucratic hassles, etc. But I could control my reaction to the frustrations. Not that I was always a happy camper – I know I’m far from perfect – but overall, I tried to keep my patience and sense of humor.

So now that I’m here, unpacked, and resettled, I’m ready to go full steam ahead again. I’m in the “entering” phase, saying goodbye to “chaos”. Back to blogging. Back to newsletters. Back to the numerous projects and ideas I have put on hold. And oh yeah…back to the gym!

by Rebecca Grappo, M.Ed, C.E.P., founder of RNG International Educational Consultants, LLC

by Rebecca Grappo, founder, RNG International Educational Consultants, LLC

The countdown to graduation has started! Students now know where they will be attending college, and they are busy saying goodbye to friends and hopefully, looking forward to new beginnings. Many of them have heard over and over that going to college is going to represent the “best four years” of their lives. So the expectations are high that this is indeed true! It’s a bittersweet, emotional time for everyone – parents included.

Now let’s add to the mix the experience of being a Third Culture Kid. Kids who have grown up overseas may be returning to the country of their passport to go to university. Or perhaps they are going to yet another new country, this time on their own as an international student. Yet another scenario is the TCK who will remain behind in the country of their passport to study while their parents go overseas again. No matter what the situation, major life transitions are in store for them.

I have done many presentations to students and parents at various international schools on the topic of transition to college, and have written several articles about the topic as well. It is very important to raise awareness about the complexities of transitioning to college for any student, but especially the TCK. They not only have to adjust to life as a college/university student, but also as one who may not always feel perfectly at home or comfortable on campus because of their TCK characteristics. Sadly, too few of them even know what that means. Therefore, I’d like to highlight some resources here that may help you and your family navigate the challenges of adjusting to university life for the Third Culture Kid/Global Nomad.

The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition by Tina Quick is a new book completely devoted to this topic. I blogged about attending her presentation at the Families in Global Transition conference back in March. I have had a preview of the book, which will be released by mid-June.  (I’ll be sure to alert you when has been!) It is chock-full of invaluable information, and as I wrote in my review for the book itself, it should be put in the hands of every TCK going off to university.

Maureen Tillman, a psychotherapist in New Jersey, has a practice devoted to helping students transition to college as well as helping students who do not succeed get back on their feet again. She just did a radio interview about the transitions to college which you can listen to on iTunes. (The first few minutes are chatter, but the interview will follow, I promise!)  She also blogs for the New York Times, and has a practice called “College with Confidence”.
Then for TCKs returning to the U.S. (though I’m sure any TCK would be welcome!), there are summer transition sessions for high school and college age TCKs run by Interaction International.

For information about sending your child to college from overseas, check out my article  that was published in the AFSA Foreign Service Journal (June 2008) called Flying Solo – Going to College from Overseas: A Guide for Parents.

For practical tips on adjusting to college from other TCKs, read TCKs and College/University: From Overseas to Undergrad that was featured on the expatwomen.com website. I especially enjoyed writing that article, as many of the TCKs interviewed were former students of mine from my years of teaching overseas.

I also have information about  transition to college from a parent perspective gathered on my website. From the College Resources page, scroll down to “Parent Resources”.

Lastly, though there are hundreds of issues that kids and parents need to be aware of, I have found that many students do not have much experience handling their personal finances when they go to college, nor do they really understand basic credit instruments. Here is a resource for students that will give them the basics about credit education.

Hopefully, your children will transition smoothly! If not, know that there are many resources as well as caring, knowledgeable, and experienced professionals out there who can help.

And if you start to get too weepy about your child leaving home, just remember. This is exactly where you wanted them to be at this stage of their lives. They’re going off to college most likely because you’ve also been successful as a parent. So rejoice that you have the opportunity to see them launched!

For more information about college planning services, or presentations on TCKs or college-related topics, please contact me.

Ask a *Third Culture Kid (TCK) where he/she is from, and watch most of them stumble over the answer. The TCK wonders, do you mean where I was born? The country of my passport? Where I live now? Where I used to live? Where my parents live? The place where I feel I most belong? And so the confusion begins!

On my recent trip to Utah, I met hundreds of new people. And 99% of each new conversation started with two questions: “What’s your name? Where are you from?” To tell you the truth, even I got tired of answering it. I started wondering to myself again – do you want the long answer or the short answer? Do I like you enough to tell you my whole life story? Or do you like me well enough to want to listen to it?

This question is the reason why so many TCKs have some identify confusion. It’s just complicated, and my personal opinion is that the answer needs to be rehearsed so that various versions are ready for different occasions.

But when TCKs get around other TCKs, the mood changes. All of the sudden it’s fun to compare notes! I was reminded of this yesterday when I was on the set of Dubai One television to tape an interview about TCKs for the show, “Twenty Something”. I met someone in the lobby of the studio who had a Swiss and Indonesian parent. We instantly had a connection. The presenter was born and raised in Dubai, but her parents were from Karala, India. Another staff member has Lebanese and Jordanian parents, but was raised in London. The staff person attending me is from the Philippines and her son is being raised in Dubai. The next guest interviewed, a celebrity hairdresser from Los Angeles, spoke of his multi-cultural background before his parents immigrated to the United States during his interview for the show. Everyone I spoke to had a mixed heritage from a multitude of cultures. Since the topic of the show was to talk about Third Culture Kids, everyone was in the mood to share bits of their own life stories. In that setting and situation, it was fun! And why? because we were with our own “tribe” of other people who understand what it means to have a very international life. Even though I’m an adult now, the same rules that apply for TCKs also apply to me….We don’t belong anywhere 100% – and yet we seem to fit in everywhere. Rootlessness and restlessness. Home is everywhere and nowhere. These are a few ways many TCKs define themselves.

Would you agree? What has been your experience, or that of your children’s, when it comes to roots, identity, and sense of belonging?

Feel free to comment – and if you get satellite TV, watch the interview about TCKs on Dubai One next Monday, April 19 at 8 pm, Tuesday at 3 pm, and Friday at 7 pm!

Click here for more resources about TCKs, or here to read more of my articles on the topic.

*A Third Culture Kid is someone who has spent a significant amount of their developmental years outside their parents own culture. The TCK builds relationships to all cultures while not having full ownership in any. Although elements of each culture is assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, a sense of belonging is in relationship to others of a similar background. – definition from David C. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken’s book, Third Culture Kids, The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds.